Bed Of Roses
by Elphaba Fiyerobert
Summary: Written for Liz Glitterbaby Fields as a starter from a bored sugarhigh sunday afternoon. Tommy Joe Ratliff, lead guitarest for Bon Jovi on an around the world tour, meets a young raven haired would be singer he will never forget. Adommy warning. please note this is NOT the soft and sweet tommy that we know and love so well, this is a broken man who lived a totally different life.
1. Chapter 1

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter One**

**Authors Note: An adommy with a twist, enjoy.**

Tommy Joe Ratliff could hear the screaming fans outside even in his dressing room. He'd been in other bands like Turn of the Screw before and he'd rocked out and had fun. His bands seemed to fall apart after a while and he was stuck looking for somewhere else to play.

The money wasn't always great, but he played more for love then for dollers. To him money was just some evil thing he needed to pay the rent, but new horror dvds and guitars. He worked whereever he needed to, dead end jobs just to pay bills and rocking at open mikes every night.

Then he had lucked into a piece of news on the grapevine from an old friend. That Bon Jovi's lead guitarest had been in an accident, smashed his hand up and was unlikely to play ever again.

That they were leaving on a worldwide tour in just two weeks and needed a replacement right now. Auditions where the next day. Tommy phoned in sick to work and rushed over to the venue. They had loved him on the spot, and advantage that he knew and liked the songs already so when he was asked he could belt out actually full songs of theirs. Not just a handful of bars and chords like the other wannabes.

That had been over a year ago and Tommy was still with the band and loving it. Living the dream, women and men throwing themselves at him every single night. More money then he would ever know what to do with, a place in the world finally. I mean working with Jon Bon Jovi! That was just FREAKING AWESOME!

It still freaked him out to go into a store and see his face on posters and album covers. It felt like a dream, like he could wake up any minutes and be back in that lousy roach filled apartment back home. Not the lovely penthouse flat he now had in LA.

A single year and he had gone from a nobody, to rich, famous and taking the world by storm. Everything anyone could ever want, so why was he so very lonely?

Tommy sat alone most nights in his motel rooms watching horror reruns or playing skyrim on his xbox. Flicking onto twitter now and then to see what his fans thought of him and his haters boy did he have a lot of the second sort, just because he liked to wear eyeliner and nail varnish in a nice classic black, THAT didn't make him gay!

Sleeping with other men though, that was a different story completely. Tommy knew that given his fame he could never truely find love. Would never know if the person wanted Tommy the man, or Ratliff the guitarest and his money. So he took to a casual lifestyle of one night stands, he didn't care if they were male or female as long as they were pretty and gave him what he needed so very badly.

It worked in the short term, but long term he just felt even more lonely and wretched. His long term girlfriend had left him during the first tours. She had refused to wait for him and had cheated with their bestfriend within three weeks of him leaving. Then his father had died after a long illness. His family barely spoke to him as he hadn't been able to take time off for the funeral.

Truth was he probabley could have gone, but he was scared to and he wasn't quite sure why. He sent them a few postcards or an email now and then. Otherwise he liked a very solo life style when he wasn't with the band.

Like tonight the gig had let out an hour or so ago. They had signed autographs and the others had gone to the after party. He had cried off saying he was tired, when in truth Tommy was now sat in a seedy bar drinking himself into a stupior on his own. Listening to an open mike night going off in the background.

Most were making him want to down his whisky and bail. Something told him to stay, some instinct deep down told him it was inportant he was exactly where he was right now. Sometimes he got these little 'feelings', they always led to good things. So he waited and carried on drinking.

Tommy missed the open mikes, the gigs in seedy bars, he missed his old life, his friends and even his family. He had pushed everyone away when his father died, locked himself so tightly away behind emotional walls so high and he never let anyone near. Now he didn't know how else to fix it other then at the bottom of a bottle.

Tommy flipped his phone open and flicked through his contacts staring at his sisters name almost dialing it. He just couldn't bring himself to make the call. Sighing he shoved the phone back in his pocket, draining the glass and calling for another double. An itchy feeling growing in him, something was about to happen and right now he didn't know if it was for good or bad. He felt like running out the bar right now, escaping the hands of fate that were drawing so close.

He was already lost, caught up in a thread of events bigger then both of them. Even if he left right now the universe would find another way for them to meet. Another random event, chance meeting, bumping into each other in the street, whatever it took. These two were soul mates, they couldn't live without each other. They had to meet, they had to fall in love, it was destiny.

Basically the boy was fucked either way, he couldn't escape his future. It all depended on him now how hard or easy the road to eternity was going to be.

Tommy swigged the whisky down and ordered yet another, he wasn't planning to walk out of here tonight under his own power. He just wanted to forget the whole wide world and all its misery.

A tune played out over the sound system, haunting soft almost. A raven haired young man stood at the microphone sweating, he looked like he was going to throw up.

Tommy made a bet with himself if the kid would get through the whole number without puking or not. He had seem this type before, it never ended well. He caught the boys eyes and smiled at him trying to edge him on, whatever it was it clearly worked. As the boy started to sing. Shakily at first, but growing in confidence as he got through it. Those words, oh Lord those lyrics they were cutting Tommy to the core.

"I saw a picture of you, hanging in an empty hallway. I heard a voice that I knew and I couldn't walk away. It took me back to the end of everything I tasted all, I tasted all the tears again. Outside the rains pouring down. There's not a drop that hits me. Scream at the sky, but no sound is leaving my lips"

By the time the song started to repeat Tommy found himself mouthing along to the words and working on what cords would sound best with it. What took him most of all was the man singing, those baby blue eyes, those creamy tones, the high notes!

One thing he knew for sure, he needed that man right now!


	2. Chapter 2

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Two**

Open mike night here was unlike many others, here you did rounds and each pass you had to sing a new song. It was a gruelling night for anyone. Of course after the proformance he just gave, the raven headed boy passed to the next round, Adam he heard was his name.

Tommy was annoyed in a way, if he kept passing the rounds he would have to wait to seduce him. He didn't want to wait, he wanted to drag him outside and have his way with him right now. He couldn't remember the last time he had been laid, to him that meant it had been far too long. That Adam Lambert was everything he wanted, everything his lonely soul needed to get through tonight.

Now he just needed to work out the best way to seduce him, what the boy liked. Tommy swopped to beer, he needed to have somewhat of a clear head and not pass out before the end of the show. He watched the other man sorting through a folder of lyrics trying to pick his second round song, while some idiot blonde girl wailed away in the back ground. He watched Adam finish his beer bottle and set it on a table as he worked.

Tommy ordered two more beers and walked over to him, he greeted him with a broad smile and offered the drink.

Adam took it and smiled back, looking the newcomer up and down he was certainly a catch. Long blonde hair in a scruffy ponytail, black skinnys, metalica tee-shirt, well muscles, and at least he didn't have to ask what his preference was, as this was a gay bar. "Adam Lambert.", he said sipping the drink. The newcomer had even made sure to buy the right brand, "You are?"

Tommy was taken aback, he was so used to everyone knowing who he was that he wasn't sure how to act. It would be a refreshing change to be a nobody for the night, to know this man wasn't after his money. "Tommy Nicholson." He answered, first name he could think of on the spot. "I loved the song, it was beautiful, full of such deep emotion, you sing beautifully."

Adam blushed, "Thank you, I wish the record companies agreed with you there. Released a couple of albums, and they have all flopped. Tonight I'm hoping one of the talent scouts takes some notice of my lyrics. Can't give up, gotta keep on fighting."

Tommy smiled reasurringly, "I'm sure someone will notice your talent and your good looks very soon."

Adam smiled back slightly embarressing people didn't flirt with him often. It was kinda nice and he was very good looking, not his usual type, but he was certainly interested. He sipped his beer, and finally decided on a song for the next round. Rereading the lyrics, the were perfect. Sweet, but soulful and with a message as always. "I hope you are right Tommy, its nice to meet someone who likes my music."

"How could anyone not love your vocal dexterity?" He asked softly, flirting as much as he dared. Watching the subject of his affections blush even more, clearly smitten already. A few more drinks and Tommy was quite sure they would be going home together.

The boy giggled at the flirting, and excused himself for the next song. Tommy took that chance to find a seat with a good view of the stage. Another haunting, but more upbeat melody this time.

"Wanna scream out no more hiding, don't be afraid of what's inside. Wanna tell you, you'll be alright in the AFTERMATH!"

The guitarests heart stopped, how did this man know exactly what he needed to hear? How could he get inside his head so much when he didn't even know who he was?!

The need to posess, to take this wonderful man grew even stronger as he watched him throw back his head and belt the repeat of, "In the AFTERMATH!" His stage fright forgotton as he lost himself in the music and shouted it at the top of his lungs. Shivers down Tommy's spine, a strange stirring in his heart. He felt ill, dizzy, faint, but he kinda liked it too. Adam was like a drug to him, he needed him in ways he didn't yet understand.

Second round passed with thunderous applause from the audience, Adam bounced off the stage high on the atmosphere, the crowd and the strong drinks. Tommy hugged him, "Well done!", kissing his cheek. At that tiny simple touch he already felt like he was on fire. It took every ounce of his will power not to drag the singer outside right now.

Adam made bold by his first real success pulled the blonde into a soft tender kiss. Sparks flying between them, a passion in both of them rising with the heat. They barely had a few moments before he was called to the stage for the final round. A face off between him and the wailing blonde girl. He lent down to Tommy's ear, a good six inches or more shorter then him and whispered, "This ones for you."

Still reeling from the kiss, Tommy waited for the next track dreading what it would be. The guy was falling for him fast, the sheen of lust in his eyes when they touched. Eyes he wanted to just fall right inside of, drown inside forever. The last song started with a thumping tempo, something you could really get your teeth into.

Tommy found his head nodding along with it, relaxing into the comfortable music. Feeling more at home then he had in a long time, the rythem surrounded him, the throbbing baseline vibrating in his blackened soul. Eyes closing to enjoy the beat to the fullest.

"There he goes my baby walks so slow, sexual tic-tac-toe. Yeah I know, we both know it isn't time. No, but could you be mine? We'll never get too far. Just you, me and the bar, silly menage a trois sometimes. Would you be mine?"

Tommy found his face damp as the song played in the background, wiping his eyes carefully trying to not ruin his make up. He never cried, no one ever got through his walls like that. Not anymore, he had bottled everything away so tightly for so long.

Adam belted down from the stage, he had won and had a nice fat wedge of cash in his pocket and an invite to talk to a talent scout in a few days time. He was beaming like a kid, wrapping his arms around the blonde kissing him again.

"Well done kid!" Tommy said ruffling his hair up, "You really deserved that!"

"I never won anything before, you must be my lucky charm. I meet you and everything starts falling into place." He murmered.

Tommy stroked his cheek, "Baby, talent like that deserves to be showcased, you have my complete support."

Adam pulled him into a hungier kiss trying not to cry, "No one has ever said that to me before."

"Yeah well, yóu hadn't met me before tonight, I mean it." He crooned.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Adam asked softly, "My apartments not far, its not much, but we would be alone."

"I thought you would never ask babyboy." Tommy flirted, "I would follow you anywhere."

Adam smiled broadly, and took his hand cuddling the lyric folder close to his chest before leading him outside. The cool air nipping at them, Tommy suddenly wished he had brought a jacket with him. Usually he just forgot where he left them, so he didn't bother anymore. "Are you sure about this?" He asked.

"I am really sure," Adam promised, "Come on its only three blocks." Tugging the blonde after him.

For the first time ever, Tommy felt guilty at what he was about to do. Something about this guy deserved more then a quick lay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Bed of Roses**  
**Chapter Three**

**Authors note: loving all the POOR TOMMY comments, wait a bit longer and you will be OMG poor Adam, Tommy you JERK! Lol. Enjoy.**

The apartment was truely small, but everyone started out the same way. All the boy had was a bed, a desk with a battered old chair, tatty sofa, tv, CD players, a pokey little kitchenette and an equally small shower room.

The desk was littered with papers, lyrics and make up. The bathroom covered with even more make up, styling products and aftershave. The mainroom covered in boxes of clothes, coathangers hanging from every surface littered with even more clothing. More boxes under the bed leaked boots and yet more clothes. The man had serious crushes clearly, Tommy nearly tripped over a massive stack of CDs piled on the floor as he stepped inside the room.

Adam blushed, "Sorry, I really should clean up more. He swept an armful of take out wrappers into the rubbish bin and started picking up clothes to shove back into the overflowing tiny wardrobe.

"We all started out the same way, you should have seen my first apartment. It made a dog kennel look big, but it lasted me until I make it enough to get something better." Tommy answered.

Adam fetched them both a beer, his eyes sparkling at the hint. "Are you a singer as well?"

Tommy cursed himself for the slip, he clearly was lousy at under cover. "Guitarest, my singing isn't the best. Not like your amazing skills!"

It was a damn good recovery, distracting enough that Adam didn't push further. "You really think I'm that good?" He asked softly.

The blonde cuddled up closer to him, stroking down his neck as he pulled the others face down to meet his. "I think if someone doesn't sign you soon, then they are bloody stupid!" He murmered.

Adam kissed him, full of heat and passion wanting so very much to soak up all the love this stranger was offering him so freely. Normally people passed over him, didn't pay him any attention just because he was different. His gothic rocker look, love for wearing make up and sexual desires left him a loner in a city of strangers.

He couldn't remember the last time someone had paid him a compliment, or shown him any support like this man had tonight. He certainly hadn't had any action since he had moved to town. There hadn't been time or money to fool around at bars cruising.

Always working long hours at Starbucks or at open mike nights trying to live the dream he had run away from home to explore. He hadn't even rung his parents in forever. Last time they had spoken he had been given a strong lecture on giving up his college education for something as foolish as music. After that he hadn't been able to face them again.

Tommy pulled his shirt over Adam's head, smiling when he saw the single nipple piercing. "Now these can be fun to play with." He commented, locking his lips around it and suckling roughly.

Adam moaned, "How?"

Tommy laughed and removed his own shirt to reveal his own double piercing. "Seemed a really good idea to do once when I was really drunk. Hurt like hell for months. Then when it healed, I discovered they can be quite the bedroom aid."

Adam smiled and flicked the end of one of his nipples, enjoying the sigh of pleasure coming from his partner. "Seems we have a lot in common." He commented, eying the other man's tattoo covered arms. Even more smothered then his own, "What ya hiding under the ink?"

Tommy looked uncomfortable at the question, "One of the many times in my life I'm not very proud of."

The raven nodded, "Yeah, my teenage years were not the greatest either. We can cover the scars, but they always remain a part of us." He kissed the blondes neck, biting him gently to distract him from the dark thoughts.

The other started pulling at Adam's belt, removing his jeans, boxers and boots. Pushing them out of the way. Adam stood completely naked in front of him. A little too thin, a few scars here and there on his thighs showing his jaded past. Looking a little embarressed at the way he was being stared at. Pale skin gleaming in the moonlight coming from the window. "You are so beautiful." Tommy whispered, "I've never seen anyone as perfect as you."

After a sentance like that, Adam already need and desperate, starved of affection could take no more. He pushed Tommy back down on the lumpy bed, pulling the rest of his clothing off to be discarded on the floor. Kissing him passionately, wanting to steal every inch of him.

Both exploring each others bodies with great interest. Teasing, tempting, touching, caressing. A slow tender love making unlike anything Tommy had ever experienced. Adam knew exactly what to do to drive a man wild and keep him right on the edge without tipping him over.

By the time they actually got to having sex, Tommy was almost out of his mind he was so high on the pleasure. Adam wanted to top, he didn't have the will power to object. All he wanted was more of this amazing out of control feeling he had every time they touched.

Although he would deny it later, he was pretty sure he was screaming and moaning the whole time. Cutting loose like he never had before. He had never felt anything even close to this before, it was like they had some deep connection somehow. He didn't understand how he felt, but he certainly didn't want it to ever end.

Exhausted afterwards, they lay on the bed together and he felt his hands reaching to link fingers with Adam's. He felt so empty now, so needy for a touch from the other. He knew he really should go home, leave while he still could before these strange feelings overwhelmed him.

Then Adam pulled Tommy towards him, so that the boys head rested on his chest and covered them with a blanket. He was so very sleepy, as Adam stroked his forehead he slipped into the first deep relaxing sleep he had had in months. Knowing that nothing could ever harm him here. He might hate himself tomorrow, but as his lover hummed him to sleep he just couldn't imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Four**

**Authors note: yes to everyone who knows my writing style. Its not gonna stay sweet much longer, enjoy x**

Tommy woke slowly, mid day sun streaming in through the window. He was relaxed, sleepy and cuddled up somewhere very comfortable. His temples being rubbed gently in just the right way to almost send him straight back to sleep. He felt someone kiss down his neck gently, he sighed happily.

Part of his mind was warning him that this wasn't right that it shouldn't be happening. Battling against the sleepy content side of him that was perfectly happy to just enjoy the moment. The kisses stopped, and he groaned. "Hey, what that for?" He mumbled trying to force his eyes open.

Adam laughed, "I think someone needs some coffee if he is making that little sense."

"Adam?" He asked, rubbing his eyes trying to remember the night before.

"Yes baby, I'm here its okay." He answered pulling the blonde into a cuddle, peppering him with kisses.

"ADAM?!" Tommy said snapping awake and away from him. Looking for something to cover himself with realising he was naked. "Oh god I fell asleep, I'm so sorry. I never, I wouldn't, oh god. I should go." He panicked.

"Tommy breathe, its okay. I didn't expect to screw you, then throw you out the room straight after." He was worried, the blonde looked like he was gonna puke.

"You don't understand, I never stay, I've never. Always taken what I wanted and gone! I don't, I can't." He was shaking like crazy crying.

Adam grabbed his wrists and pulled him back towards the bed. "Calm down, its okay I swear. I'm not angry, in fact I was thinking about asking if you wanted to get some brunch?"

"Brunch?" Tommy asked dumbly, "- spend the night and you wanna get coffee and a bagel with me?"

"Jesus has no one ever asked that before?" He asked, holding the slight boy close stroking his back.

"I was gonna get married once, a long time ago. She cheated on me because I work away a lot. Since then its only ever been a night, or even a few hours. Always moving on, never staying in one place long enough to get attached." He murmered.

"She?" Adam asked sadly, "You like girls huh?"

Tommy shook his head, "Not really, but my parents expected it so I just went along with it."

Adam kissed him softly, "Let me make this easier my love. Do you want to go? If you do, you can walk out that door and never see me again. I won't stop you."

Tommy looked at the door, his clothes on the floor and then back to him. "Honestly I don't know what I want right now. There's something about you that I just can't live without."

Adam smiled back at him, "I like you a lot too."

Tommy laughed bitterly, "I got some damn cheesy, I don't even believe in love or relationships anymore. And you? You don't even know who I am. I could be some crazy axe murderer."

"I kinda think if you were you wouldn't have been murmering contently in your sleep as I sung to you." He countered running his fingers through the boys hair.

Tommy rested his head on his shoulder, "I'm damaged goods, there's a lot of stuff I can't tell you yet."

"Then I will wait until you are ready, I swear that. We are all damaged goods one way or another." He promised.

The blonde sighed, "I'm probabley gonna regret this, but shall we get some coffee or something?"

Adam beamed at him, "Sounds amazing 'Velvet Goldmine' is showing at one of the little cinemas tonight. I was gonna go, but I could do something else if you wanted to."

"Velvet Goldmine?" Tommy squealed, "That's like the best movie ever! I wanna come!"

He laughed, "For a guy who doesn't like to sleep over, suddenly you want coffee and a movie in the same day? Two whole dates in 24 hours?"

"But its an epic film." Tommy whined getting dressed slowly. "If you told me where it was showing and we both turned up and accidently bumped into each other. Then it wouldn't be a date, just us being socialable if we sat together?"

"You are such a girl." Adam teased.

"I'm not the one who wears glitter body paint." He retorted.

"Hey that's on stage, it doesn't count! And glitter is awesome, don't dis the glitter!" Adam complained.

Tommy kissed him, "Whataya gonna do to me if I do?"

"I don't think we would be going out if I answered that question. Perhaps we could discuss it in full detail tonight?" He offered.

"I think that would be nice, the perfect end to a perfect day." Tommy mumbled kissing him.

"You really like that don't you? Cuddle monster, affection hound." Adam teased.

"Only for you, normally I hate being touched." He answered.

Adam pulled his shirt on, and ran some gel through his hair quickly. "Seems you are discovering a lot of stuff you like today that you don't normally."

"Is that okay?" Tommy asked quietly, "Sure you want me to stay?"

Adam rolled his eyes, "I don't know what others have done to you in the past, but with me what you see is what you get. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. There's no games, no dramas with me, just love."

"This is gonna take some getting used to." The blonde sighed.

"On both sides." Adam responded quietly. His hand slipped into the others hand as they left the apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Five.**

Tommy took a long hot shower, enjoying the soothing touch on his skin. It had been a long confusing day, waking up in the arms of a man he seemed to care for a lot more then he should.

A leisurely brunch at some little cafe on the back streets where thankfully no one noticed him. Chatting about movies, music, hot boys and other mindless things. It was nice to just chill with someone again without having to be Thomas Ratliff, sex symble and rock god.

To just be little Tommy again, like he was still just a normal person. Adam made him feel like something in his fucked up life was actually normal again. Like it actually made sense for once.

They had been planning to go shopping for a while to kill time before the movie, but Adam had been called in to cover a shift at work unexpectedly. So they had exchanged numbers and promised to meet later. Every few hours he got a text through, he answered back cheerfully enough. It was nice to actually have someone checking that he was okay.

Tommy couldn't remember a time when he had ever been this happy. Humming away to himself in the shower realising it was one of Adam's songs he had stuck in his head. He text him about it and got a promise back to sing it for him whenever he wanted. That brought a smile to his face.

He dressed nicely, black jeans with a black vest and a nice black shirt over the top. One that fit him in all the right places. Trimming his fringe so it fell just right, used plenty of his favourite aftershave. Just a little make up, done sexily just to smoke around his eyes. Even he had to admit he looked sexy as hell, he just hoped that Adam enjoyed it as much.

He lurked awkwardly outside the cinema, shuffling wondering if he should have brought flowers or something. What the hell did you bring a guy on a date?! He had never dated one before. Oh god were they actually dating? No just a movie, nothing else. He couldn't process anything else right now.

Before he could freak out fully, Adam turned the corner and hugged him. "I missed you." He mumbled.

"Missed you too." The blonde smiled, "Just a few hours away from you is just sheer torture."

Adam kissed him and took in the outfit, "Someone looks very sexy tonight and smells wonderful."

Tommy blushed, "All for you my love."

"Shame I didn't get time to change properly." Adam sighed looking at his slightly wrinkled shirt and jeans from changing fast at work. He still smelt like freshly ground coffeebeans.

"You look beautiful in anything." Tommy promised.

They cuddled up on the back row eatting popcorn and nachos. Murmering the lines quietly to each other, grassing how many times they had both seen it. Laughing perfectly comfortable in each other presence.

Some people were glaring at them holding hands and kissing. Others saying how sweet they looked, just a perfect couple. They didn't notice all the attention they were getting, far too busy wrapped up in each other.

They came out of the movie arm in arm like they had known each other forever not just a single day. "Are you hungry?" Tommy asked, "I could take us to a nice resterant, my treat. My favourite isn't far from here."

"That would be really sweet." He answered.

Tommy without thinking it through very well as usual, lead them to one of the more exclusive club/resterants in the city. Bypassing the steadily growing queue outside and went around to the back enterance knocking quietly.

Door openned and a huge bouncer stuck his head out. "Tommy Joe long time no see. Usual table?" He asked.

Tommy nodded and pulled Adam inside, who was starting to feel very under dressed seeing everyone inside. They were taken to a nice, but secuded table near the back. Where they could observe the whole club, but not many could see back into the booth.

They ordered, Adam trying not to have a heart attack at the prices. He started taking in the extremely speedy service, the respect everyone had for his new boyfriend. The way they had just walked into a place that was usually booked up for over a year in advance. The hints of being a guitarest, but never meantioning the band. The calluses on his fingers, the deep scars showing how often he played. The meantions of starting in a small apartment, then moving on that had accidently slipped out.

Adam gulped his beer down a little too fast as the penny dropped. "You really are someone aren't you?" He asked, "You actually got your break, your fame and fortune?"

Tommy swore quietly realising he had screwed this up. "When you didn't know who I was, I couldn't help taking advantage of that. It had been so long since I could just be myself again, a normal person. Not have to worry about if people wanted me or my money. To be able to spend more then a single night with someone. To have a lazy day, or a date and not have to worry if my hair is perfect or I'm constantly being judged."

"Is that what I am to you?" He asked nearly in tears, "Just the bloody idiot who doesn't know who you are? An experiment to be played with and dropped when you get bored?"

Tommy grabbed his hand to stop him leaving, "No you aren't! Somehow you are worming your way into my heart in a way that terrifies me. Ever since I heard you sing, you have stolen my heart and soul. That's not some line, hell I dunno what it is.". He sighed running his fingers through his hair, "Never been much of a man for prayer, but a bit of guideance right now, would be really nice ya know!"

"Who are you?" Adam asked quietly.

"Please, don't ask me that just now. Please just let me be Tommy a little while longer. You are more important to me then losing you over something as stupid as this." He pleaded.

Adam nodded quietly, staring at the table surface until the food arrived. It was an awkward meal, nothing like the laughter they had shared the whole day. There was little conversation from either during dinner, or as they walked home.

Tommy stopped at the door, "Its not worth the down side you know."

Adam stopped to look at him,"What isn't?"

"The fame, you get everything you could ever want. Money, sex, cars, hot men or women, drugs, drink. And for a while its just amazing, such a rush. Then reality kicks in and you think of everything you have lost." He said quietly, "Simple things like just going to the shop at 2am in your joggers for ice cream without being stalked by cameras. Daring to be tired or even worse sick. Not giving 110 percent one second and the next its all over the press. Sometimes I'd trade it all back in just to be back where you are. The thrill of trying to make it is far greater then the reward when you finally do."

"Singing is my life, I would die without it." Adam answered.

"I hope you feel like that in a years time baby, I really do." He murmered.

Adam stopped him leaving, "Do you wanna stay tonight?" He blushed, "I don't mean sex or anything, just stay with me? Hold me tonight?"

Tommy nodded linking their hands, "I'd really like that, I don't do so well on my own."

"What do you see in me?" Adam asked, "I'm a nothing, a nobody to you. All that fame and you wanna spend time with a wannbe rocker who works at Starbucks? I don't get that, surely there's thousands of better people out there then me?"

"There probabley are, but only one I'm falling in love with." Tommy answered embarressed.

Adam was crying now, "Just get inside already."

Tommy gladly obeyed slinking upstairs to 'their' apartment, holding his dark haired angel until the tears faded away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Six**

**Authors Note: You have to fall apart, to fall in love.**

They had talked a while the night before, light and airy and then climbed into bed still partually dressed to cuddle each other all night long. It was nice, comforting. Tommy felt so at home here with this strange man. He woke in the morning to bacon frying and breakfast in bed from Adam.

They spent sunday watching random films and listening to music. They ordered take out and stayed in. Getting to know everything about each other. Everything bar Tommy's real job of course.

He would talk about his guitars, and a few places he had gone, but that was all. He knew that it was hurting Adam, but he just couldn't let him in that far just yet. Just too damn scared of losing him, ruining everything before it started. He wasn't sure what this was, but he wasn't going to do anything to risk his eternal happiness.

As they had kissed goodnight sunday evening Adam had asked him to go with him to the audition the next afternoon. Of course Tommy had agreed before heading home. Later he would wish he hadn't.

Sunday night was difficult for the blonde, he tossed and turned restlessly. Waking eventually in a cold sweat around 4am murmering the others name. Something bad was coming, something that was gonna tear them in two and there was nothing he could do about it. He was going to lose his love and sooner rather then later.

He screamed and shouted, spent the night down the gym smashing the hell out of punchbags trying to get theough the grief he was already feeling. He couldn't lose the boy, he just couldn't. His life wouldn't be worth living if he did. He broke down crying, his knuckles bleeding from the punnishment had had been dishing out to to himself for so many hours now.

He didn't know how long he lay there soaked in his own tears until his phone buzzed. Blearily he dragged himself upright and checked the message. It was Adam checking he was still coming later.

Every single part of him wanted to scream NO! Keep away from me! But Tommy knew whatever he did, the fight would still come and he would still be alone again. "Course, see you then." He replied giving into fate. Slamming the phone back into his jeans pocket.

He stumbled home, into the shower and fell back into bed for a few short hours. Metalica blasting in the background comforting him.

3pm on the dot he found himself outside Starbucks drinking some of the strongest black coffee he had ever seen waiting for Adam. Crumpled clothes, no make up at all. He felt like crap in more ways then one. This coffee being the only thing his body had managed to keep down all day.

As his boyfriend appearered Tommy plastered on a fake smile and hugged him tightly. "Ready for your big break?" He asked.

"Always with my sexy good luck charm at my side." Adam peered closer as they kissed and saw the bags under his lovers eyes, the bandaged hands. "Are you okay? You look like death?"

Tommy shrugged it off, "Just partying hard as always."

Adam wasn't convinced, but they walked quietly to the building for his audition hand in hand. Hoping that his love would open up later on.

Tommy's hackles went up as soon as they arrived. Only a tiny plaque by the door, no endorsements or signage. As they waited in reception there were no gold discs, no pictures or brags of who they signed. The whole place looked a little worse for wear. He nudged the raven, "Adam baby, this place is bogas. We should get outta here."

Adam shook his head, "Don't be silly, its all good. The bar set it up with me."

Tommy sighed, "Baby, I've seen these kinda scams before. All this place is gonna do is take your money and destory your dreams."

"You don't know that for sure, it may not be as classy as your agent, but we all start somewhere." He snapped.

"Let me set you up with my agent, a hundred agents. Just come away now before its too late and you get sucked in!" He begged.

"NO!" The world was said with such rage, such pure raw emotion. "You won't even tell me who you are. Why should I trust you? For all I know you are the crook trying to con me! You are just jealous of me finally getting a shot!"

The two men stood there glaring at each other for long moments until the 'agent' stuck his head out calling for him.

"Baby, don't do something you will regret." Tommy pleaded.

"I already did." He said coldly as he walked away.

Tommy nodded sadly, "Got it."

Later that night Adam rang him to say sorry, but the number was disconnected. Tommy had smashed the phone against a wall soon after leaving his side. Adam regretted his harsh words, he had just been angry and scared and tired.

Now he had no way of finding Tommy or knowing where he was. He had lost the best thing in his life. There was nothing he could do anymore to fix things. It was over.

By the time he discovered that his love had been right about the agency it was too late. He was left with a box of the debut album 'Take One' and several thousand dollers lighter for his trouble.

Adam would give anything to see the man he loved one last time. To get a chance to make things right.

Perhaps just this once, the universe heard his call.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bed of Roses **  
**Chapter Seven**

It was Tommy Joe's birthday, another year older not in the slightest bit wiser. Now nearly a year since he had seen the raven haired love of his life. Nearly a whole year since he had felt an emotion other then loss and pain. He was still with the band, his love of music was almost faded to nothing. He just continued in his daily routine as he had nothing better to do. Just trying to fake that he was okay. Every single night he drank himself to sleep, every morning he woke up hung over and reached back for the whisky bottle. He must have scored a million souls, not one had made him feel anything other then empty.

He sighed and read the paper, a big article on the fake record companies and how somany had been taken in by scams. A list of several hundred names followed who had been caught up in it all. He took no joy in seeing Adam's name on the list, owed nearly 14 thousand dollers. That must have ruined the kid.

When no one was around he sneakily kept up with Xfactor to see how he was doing. He even watched the twitter account the boy had made for his fans every single day. A million times he had nearly tweeted it, and wussed out at the last possible moment.

Adam had made his feelings very clear the last time they had spoken, Tommy had no right to go against that surely? Even so he kept on downloading the tracks every week and listening to them on repeat. Taking small comfort from the voice of his long lost lover.

Tommy checked his phone, not a single message, card or gift. It was like his birthday had never existed. No one care if he lived or died anymore. Not even himself, as he walked his thighs rubbed together reopenning the barely healed cuts on his leg.

A stupid idea a few days ago, he hadn't been brave enough to carry out the deed. He hated himself for that, never having the strength of character to finish the job he longed to so very much. End his life, end his pain and suffering.

He sat on the sofa watching the finale of the show, cursing that Adam lost to that useless Kris. He had won on looks alone, not talent that was very clear. Adam deserved the win, yet again his record deal had been so damn close and snatched away again.

Tommy wondered if the phone number had changed or not. He was so tempted to ring and see. Pass the details on to his agent and see what he could pull off. One of his bandmates had left their phone here days ago, he picked it up and punched in the number he knew by heart.

"Hello?" Adam answered, he sounded like he had been crying.

Tommy's heart stopped, he didn't know what to say or how to say it. Just to hear that voice again sent shivers down his spine.

Adam again said hello, and paused. Then something crossed his mind randomly, "Tommy, baby is that you?"

He slammed the phone down fast. How could he have known?! He couldn't possibley have. Did that mean his love had been thinking about him? No, he couldn't think like that, it would destory him.

Tommy pulled a tiny canister of pills from his pocket and downed a handful waiting for the rush to kick in so he could endure a while longer. He dialed his agent, and called in a favour to annoymusly get Adam a spot to audition the following week. Pulled every ounce of weight he had to get the boy finally signed. Had to agree to a load of extra gigs and public shit on his R and R break. Anything to get Adam what he deserved.

When he was done, Tommy grabbed his wallet and headed to a club to get trashed. By the fifth shot the mixture of drink and drug was kicking in nicely. He wandered over towards the stage to listen to the band. Eyeing the crowd for some talent to make his birthday passable.

There was a cheer in the crowd and the music stopped. Someone called 'Adam Lambert' to the stage to celebrate second place. He walked right by Tommy, so close they could have touch and never saw him. He was followed by a red haired girl from the show, Alison? He thought.

The two of them rocked through 'Schools out for summer' which they had proformed together rock week. Tommy made a mental note to find out more about this girl and get her a break as well if he could. She was fine in voice and body. Perhaps she would be the answer to his needs?

They took a bow together and Adam drew her into a long tender kiss to celebrate. Tommy found tears on his face as he watched them. So his beloved had moved on without him. Shame he hadn't been able to do the same.

Tommy downed another shot, shaking at the sight of them together. He had known in his heart it was over, that they could never be, but to see Adam with someone else and it be a woman of all things? It tore him apart completely. This bar wasn't for him anymore, he needed to get far away from here. To have a birthday gift that wasn't so dark and painful. As he went to leave he was finally noticed, stopped by some fans for pictures. He smiled nicely, but rushed through the snaps.

Adam caught a sight of someone in the crowd and dashed offstage after him. It couldn't be surely? "Tommy?" He shouted, but he couldn't fight through the crowd in time to catch him.

"Was that the guy you lost?" Alison asked following.

He nodded, "Seems we weren't meant to be however I feel for him."

She laughed, "You really dunno who that is?"

"Who is he?!" Adam demanded.

She pulled out her phone and googled showing him a picture. "Tommy Joe Ratliff, works with Bon Jovi, the whole world knows that and who he is. And how his broken heart is ruining his career."

Adam snatched the phone, "I never knew, I had a go at him. Something so damn stupid."

Alison put an arm around him, "There a concert in New York tomorrow night, we might be able to get tickets. There's something you need to know first. Just under a year ago, someone broke his heart. He is a destoryed wreck of what he used to be."

"That's when we split up. Why did he rush away?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Adam, he saw you kiss me!" She explained.

"But that's just stagecraft, I'm gay!" He exclaimed.

"Does he know that?" She asked.

"Ali baby, get tickets. I'm not letting him go without a fight." Adam vowed,"I need to say sorry, explain at least what I did."


	8. Chapter 8

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Eight**

**Authors note: and the angst gets worse. Evil grin and skips off laughing.**

Tommy sat in the dressing room sipping red bull and trying to get his head around the hang over. The show started soon, he downed more uppers trying to get through the night. He had little memory of anything after seeing Adam with that evil red haired temptress. He'd taken a few people to bed that night he was sure. He ached in all the right places to tell him that much.

The nagging pain at his temples just would not abate this time. Maybe he really was getting old? He was 28 now after all, not the brash 17 year old he felt most days. All he wanted to do was sleep, he'd been up 64 hours straight now with various stimulents scared to death to close his eyes and face the nightmares again.

Even with the 'E' and everything else in his viens he the drowsiness was crashing in fast now. The urge to just lay down on the couch and close his evers becoming overwhelming. He needed something stronger, he hunted out a small packet from his drawer and prepaired himself a line of coke. Taking it quickly before he was noticed. If the band ever found out how deep his addiction ran, he'd be out on his ass. Not that he really cared about it either way, but some part of him was still self aware enough to hide what he was doing.

Stumbling tiredly towards the stage, he faked his way through the first set. Painting on a forced smile, pretending that he was having awesome fun. A Queen song playing in the back of his head, and he hummed the verse as they took a break.

"Inside my heart is breaking, my make up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on."

He had a weird feeling tonight, like fate has its hands on his life again. A dizzy sick feeling in his stomach. Then again, when had been the last time he ate? A day, maybe two? He couldn't really quite remember when it had been. Certainly his skinny jeans were getting a little lose, okay a lot loose if he was being perfectly honest with himself.

He guess that he should force himself to eat something later on. The thought of food turned his stomach, one of the others was eatting some noodles. The smell making him want to be sick. He downed a bottle of water and vanished to the bathroom to do somre more coke. The second set he kicked ass a bit better, finally the cocktail kicking in enough so he could function. The high pulling him through the night.

X. X. X. X. X. X. X

Adam and Alison sat in one of the back rows watching the concert. He had been up all night watching videos of his hunni on youtube and downloading tracks from itunes. He was baby was so damn incredably sexy and he kicked damn ass, lighting up the stage like no one he had ever seen.

So who was this stranger on the stage right now? A man who seemed to have lost his soul, his muse and his reason to live. There was nothing left of the men he used to know. He had to fix this somehow, whatever the cost.

This morning an agent had approached him wanting to sign, strangely enough it happened to be Tommy's record lable. He knew that he had been given one last gift. If Tommy was still thinking about him and keeping old promises...?

Well that was good right?

Adam had to save his true love, he just had to!

When the concert ended everyone flocked for autographs and photos. Adam held back a way until the seas of fans parted, and the interviewers moved in.

"No interviews." The blonde grouched pushing passed them.

"What about for ex boyfriends?" Adam shouted, using all of his vocal range to project over the crowd.

Tommy spun around and stared at him. "What are you doing here?" As flash bulbs went off all around them.

"I needed to see you and explain. Please can we talk privately?" He asked.

Tommy so wanted to reach out and touch him, to hold him in his arms again one last time. To posess that which he needed so very badly. To believe that his baby had come back for him, but it couldn't be true. It just couldn't. "You should have thought of that before you got yourself a girlfriend." He found himself snapping.

"She isn't my girlfriend, she's just a friend." Adam insisted.

"Oh yeah, really looked 'friendly' the way you were sucking her face off." He retorted.

"I'm a whore, I kiss everyone, you know that! When I'm high off being on stage I'd kiss anyone. I'm gay, how on earth would I ever want a girlfriend? Are you jealous?" He asked.

"You never wanted me either, just your career. Well I hope you are happy now you have everything you ever dreamed off!" Tommy replied."

"You are jealous!" Adam laughed.

"NEVER!" He growled.

"I haven't been happy since the day you walked away." He said quietly.

"You told me to go." Tommy said in a faint whisper.

"I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you please baby. I still love you, and I think you still love me too. I will spend forever making this up, I swear it." Adam asked.

"I can't do this." The blonde mutter, disappearing into the crowd.

"Damn it Tommy Joe, let me replay the kindness you once showed me. Let me save you!" Adam shouted after him.

"There's nothing left to save." Then he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Nine**

Tommy ended up hiding in his dressing room for some time after the gig, more tablets, more lines of coke taken with a healthy dose of a good strong whisky. That man, that perfect man so close to his side again. It messed with his head in strange ways, all he wanted to do was let Adam hug the pain away, but he was too scared to give into the emotion.

He had already been broken beyond fixing, if he was spurned again he knew he would be reaching for the knife in earnest this time. All he could think about was getting home, taking a shower and releasing all the pent up pain he felt with a razer blade. Letting the agony in his heart pour away as the blood washed into the grate.

He wished that his life was as easy to dispose of. That he could just leave all of this behind him. Muzzily thtough the haze of the lack of sleep and his addictions he realised someone was standing in the room with him. "Whataya want?" He grumbled softly.

Adam snuck further into the room, he had picked the lock of the stage door and make his way around until he found the right dressing room. For nearly an hour he had been stood by the doorway watching the man he loved destorying himself. Not knowing what to do, or if he should act at all. He didn't want to risk the boy running off again, if he was even still capable of that in this state. "Tommy baby, you need help." He said softly, indecating the products around the room.

Tommy tried to swing himself onto his feet and failed miserably, "I'm fine." He mumbled.

"Tommy you are smashed out of you skull, nothing about that is fine. What happened to you?" He asked, kneeling down and taking his blonde beauties hand.

"You did." He breathed, staring into those stunning blue eyes.

"Oh my baby, my poor glitter baby I am so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen." He hugged him close, rocking him. The blonde resisted at first, but slowly he gave into his gentle administrations. The floodgate openned and Tommy sobbed into his shoulder as Adam told him over and over again how much he loved him. How much he needed him in his life.

As the tears flowed Adam wiped his face of his own dampness. "Come on baby, let me buy you a coffee and get you something to eat, sober you up a bit, okay?" He asked.

"Don't leave me!" Tommy begged, looking more like a terrified child then a grown man.

"I won't ever leave you, I promise baby. Never again, I'm not giving up on us even if you do." He swore. Kissing Tommy softly, he tried to pull him onto his feet.

Tommy swayed uncertainly looking rather green. "Adam, I don't feel so good."

He looked concerned, "How much did you take?"

The blonde shrugged, "Couple of dozen of them, handful of those and a hell of a lot of coke."

"Jesus Tommy!" Adam exclaimed, "You should be dead! What am I gonna do with you?"

Tommy groaned and promptly started throwing up, grabbing the trash can fast. Adam rubbed his back trying to calm him. The boy was paler then death, sweating, eyes bloodshot. "When did you last eat?" He asked.

"Few days maybe." He forced out between sickness attacks. He was cold, icy to the touch, shaking now in a really not good way. Slipping into some form of shock, or perhaps even a drug induced fit.

Adam snapped his phone out calling an ambulance. Keeping an eye on the other as he did so. Barely finishing the call before the blonde dropped like a stone. Shaking badly, he held his lover down as best he could waiting for help to come trying to shh him.

Praying it would be soon enough to help the poor kid. "Oh Gods what did I do?" He mumbled to himself. "If he dieds, then I swear I'm going with him. I won't be parted from my baby ever again."

Then everything went crazy and he was pulled away as help came. Firing a thousand different questions at him. Most of which he had no idea how to answer, but still he kept trying. His eyes kept sliding away to where they were treating Tommy.

No one was telling him anything, that wasn't making him feel any less worried. They bailed the blonde into the ambulance and Adam tried to push after him. The police pulled him back for the rest of his statement.

He glowered at them, "Get out of my way, I'm going with my boyfriend and THATS THAT!". A low growl, a dangerous edge to his voice making them back off fast. He climbed in and took the chilled hand of his beloved singing softly to him as they drove away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Ten**

Tests, tubes and moniters that was all Adam had seen or heard for days. When they had undressed Tommy in the hospital, he had seen the deep scar tissue on his thighs from cutting. It had chilled Adam to see the countless marks of how many times the flesh had been stained. The once slight frame that you could now see every bone through.

He hadn't left the hospital except to shower and change to come back. Sleeping in a chair watching over his true love. He didn't want his baby to wake up alone. Not after everything the poor guy had been through. He didn't want Tommy to think he didn't care. Not when the truth was he cared more for this broken man then he had ever cared about anyone in his whole damn life.

In some ways that scared him a lot, in others it felt so right that it couldn't be wrong. He knew what ever was happening to this man, he would stand by his side always. Through rehab, hospitals, good times and lousy ones. Because he was completely and utterly in love with him. All the rest was just material bullshit they could work through together.

Tommy needed someone there for him through all of this. Someone who wouldn't run, who wouldn't buckle under the pressure. He didn't care if they were never lovers again, as long as he didn't lose this wonderful man. This sweet, imperfect, beautiful soul that captivated him so very much. His best friend, his raison de'tre. The man who made him wanna listen to sweet music again.

He found himself scribbling lines, random lyrics as he stood vidual. Idol tour started very soon, but he wouldn't be going at this rate. This was far more important to him. Making sure Tommy was okay again.

Adam had plans to finally bring out his solo album soon with the songs he had sung in that club the day his life had changed. He was still a few songs shy, hence the doodles. Tommy always gave him so many fresh exciting ideas just be being near him. Long into the night he worked, watching over his sleeping angel.

By the time Thomas awoke, Adam was dozing over the book and the pen had slipped to the floor. A nurse had thrown his leather jacket over him to keep him warm.

Tommy blinked and looked around the room trying to take it all in. Adam had saved him, taken care of him. Why would he do such a thing? His head pounded, this was gonna be the hangover from hell. It had been far too long since he had allowed one to slip into place. Always reaching for the next fix as soon as he awoke.

Dizzily he pulled the tubes from his arm and sipped a glass of water left by his head. Trying to focas on what was happening here. His mind was constantly slipping into thoughts of how beautiful that sleeping man looked. The man that was so deadly to him, could save or destory his life forever.

Did he really want to be saved? Could he stand the risk of opening himself up to feeling once again?

Adam stirred and realised that his blonde bombshell was finally awake. A broad grin passed his lips, "How do you feel baby?"

Tommy pulled a face, "Like crap honestly."

"Not really surprising is it?" He said all motherly, "You shouldn't do this crazy shit. You scared the hell out of me! I've been worried sick."

"You were really worried about me after all this time?" The blonde asked quietly.

Adam sat on the bed and hugged him, "Baby, I tried to ring you that night to say sorry. I never wanted to lose you. I was just cranky, tired and stupid. I love you, I always did."

Tommy sniffed trying not to cry and ruin his tough guy persona. "Kinda broke my phone."

"Yeah I kinda gathered that." He chuckled kissing Tommy's hair, "Want me to get you a coffee and some real food?"

Tommy smiled, "Yeah that would be kinda nice." Suddenly realising he was starving.

Adam kisses his cheek, "I won't be long." And left.

Soon as he was out the door the blonde jumped out of the bed and started dressing. Shouting at the nurse for his discharge papers. Abusing her until she gave up and passed them over. Really if he wanted to leave then they couldn't stop him. He knew he had a very limited time before his ex came back and he wanted to be long gone by then. He couldn't face the flood of rising emotions inside of him.

Grabbing his jacket, Tommy slipped out of the back door of the hospital. Checking around to make sure no press were lurking before striding accross the carpark looking for a taxi or a bus outta here.

Anything to escape those soulful babyblue eyes and those soft lips. He felt kinda bad leaving Adam without a word, but he didn't know what else to do to protect himself from any more pain. The boy was better off without him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bed of Roses**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Authors note: for the little collection of pathetic haters I've collected on this story a tiny meantion. Firstly if you read the header (assuming you can actually read that is and not just troll), this story was written as a request from a fan of my writing to her desires not my own. Yes Tommy is out of character that is the whole POINT of the flick. This is a Thomas who took a totally different turn in life and went somewhere else, our TJ will be reappearing towards the end of the flick as he is slowly fixed by Adam.**

**Secondly, having majored in journalisum does not give you the knowledge or the right to rip apart my writing or style. I am a published journalist, and a long term writer with a large twitter following fan club. Twilight books are the most patheticly written books ever and yet they are blockbusters. As for learning more about Mr Ratliff before I write flicks? I more then likely know more about Mr's Lambert and Ratliff then you ever will. Oh you have read a lot of flicks, that means you are educated? I read hundreds of thousands of words of flicks every week. On all sorts of subjects. That being said, I will file you comments under B for Bin and let's continue with the flick Miss WTF very disappointed adommy fan. Rolls eyes, pathetic children these trolls really are. For a fandom who preaches how to spread the love, someone of them seriously need to go back to school. Those who can do, and those who can't hate.**

As Tommy crossed the carpark he heard a loud cough and turned to see Adam standing there arms folded, the food and coffees at his feet. "Going somewhere?" The raven asked.

Tommy swore and blushed when he saw who was there. "Trust me, its better this way for both of us. If I stay, I will only destory your life as well as my own. I'm trouble, bad news, burn everything I touch. I always have and I always will."

"Don't give me that bullcrap. You love me, I love you and that is the only thing that matters in this shitty world. Destory me, burn me, ruin me, that's fine by me. I don't care as long as you are by my side, I can't be without you. Tommy Joe Ratliff you are the air that I breathe, so put up, shut up and let me help you." Lambert said calmly.

Tommy stopped mid stride to stare at him open mouthed a single tear trickling down his face. "You don't mean that."

Two steps and Adam was at his side, pulling the boy tightly into his arms. "Yes, I do baby. You are my everything, my reason to exist, you make me wanna listen to music again. How could I ever give that up, for a stupid little thing like fear?"

Tommy shuddered in his arms as the tears bitten back for all these months came flooding out. Adam pulled him down to sit on the curb letting him cry it out. Carefully making sure no one was filming or watching. Neither of them needed that kind of press. Tommy deserved to break down in peace and quiet.

Adam didn't know what had been eatting away at him so badly, but this couldn't be a bad thing as they boy snuggled into his shoulder. He stroked the back of his neck soothingly, feeling the stiff scared body slowly relax into his arms. Softly crooning 'Aftermath' like he had in that bar so long ago.

He didn't know how long they sat there, but the coffees were cool by the time TJ had recovered enough to drink. Adam passed him a cup and he held onto it like a lifeline.

"So I guess my big secrets not so secret anymore, I'm the fucked up druggie lead base for Bon Jovi if they haven't sacked me for this little episode." Tommy mumbled around his coffee.

"You never looked sexier, even with your troubles. Could do with getting a few good meal down you, but that's about it." He smiled.

'That's it?" Tommy asked, "No fights, no bollackings, no shouting at me?"

Adam shook his head, "What would be the point? I'm pretty sure that you know this is stupid and needs to stop. I'm also pretty sure you know I'm gonna be there for you through all of it too. So what is there to say?"

Tommy gulped his coffee, half heartedly picking at the sandwich he had been given. He was hungry, but pretty sure his body couldn't keep much down right now. "Thank you." He mumbled, he couldn't even meet Adam's eyes kept staring at his feet.

They ate in silence, Adam with his arm snaking around the blonde the whole time to stop him bolting away somewhere. Watching how much he was eatting carefully, barely half the sandwich. Just breaking it up so it looked like he had eatten more then he had.

Adam made a mental note to keep pushing the eatting issue and also to make sure he wasn't a purge type afterwards. If a sandwich was too much for him, it was too strong of a possibility for his liking. He was worried seriously so by the shaking destoryed man in front of him. Right now he wasn't sure how to help him, but he would find a way. He had to for both their sakes. He wasn't gonna allow all this to derail not now, they had come too far.

Adam bailed Tommy into his car and drove him home, by the time they got there he was almost asleep again, the medications kicking back in. He shouldered the dozing boy up the stairs, head lolling onto his shoulders.

Steering him into the guest room and bailed him onto the bed. Pulling his creepers off and throwing them to the side of the bed. That was as far as he was going with the undressed. As Adam leaned over the bed to kiss his forehead goodnight the blonde stirred slightly. "Stay?" He breathed.

"Of course baby, forever." Adam answered with a slight smile. Pulling his boots off and climbing into bed with his love.

As Tommy settled comfortabley down on his chest sighing in contentment, Adam had never felt so complete. He watched his lover sleeping, crying softly knowing that in that instant he had everything he had ever wanted. This was the only place he wanted to spend his eternity.


End file.
